It is true that at one point in time in your life, you become emotionally dependent on someone you finally trust. You trust that person so much that it gives you an eternal satisfaction when you talk to that person about all your worries or problems or concerns. Pouring out your emotions whom you’ve been hiding significantly with everybody else like nothing happened but only you know inside your head there’s a great volcano silently waiting to burst. And you are always telling yourself, I need to find the reasons why I am not going to be an emotional slave to anyone anymore.
You’re waiting for the right time and that person so eagerly and so desperately that sometimes you feel you’re going to die. It’s killing you. The storm of your emotions is not letting you sleep or eat or talk or behave with anybody they deserve.
People around you who loves and cares for you are not necessarily the people with whom you can share your innermost fears and worries. You know that because they love you and care for you, they will always think about your happiness. They want you happy, smiling and cheering.
When I was young, I had no idea whom I should trust. I didn’t know who will soothe me. So I started telling my problems and insecurities to anyone who shows even little affection towards me. I used to think anyone who sympathizes me or listens to me will understand what I am going through and find me a solution.
Their display of affection was enough for me to trust them and I could easily share my thoughts with them not knowing they can misuse it against me. I wasn’t aware I could get cheated, or people can laugh at my problems or even worse they can blackmail me. I have faced all of these and broken my heart several times.
Young age is the trial and error period. You know nothing about life and whatever you know is not enough to understand what might happen to you with your actions. Isaac Newton was so right when he discovered the third law, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” It not only applies to motion but emotion too. When you’re emotionally too dependent on someone, things start going otherwise.
The more you try to resist, the more you get pulled to that person. That’s very frustrating because you are fighting against yourself, your needs. Being emotionally dependent on someone is equally damaging as you’re on drugs.
There are so many incidents where I knew I had the answers, but still, I relied on other persons, be it my close friends, family or boyfriend. Every time I was stuck in some problems I used to message them or call them, and when they were not available, I went mad. I took matters into my hands and thought whatever I’m doing is the only right thing.
“Life always gives you enough chances to correct your mistakes if you understand it wisely.”
I’ve finally concluded why I don’t want to rely on anybody to soothe me emotionally. Here are a few reasons.
1. Take Control Of Your Emotions
When you’re emotionally dependent on someone, you’re unknowingly giving them control to control you. You’ll be surprised to know that until they stop communicating with you, you wouldn’t even realize it. But that doesn’t mean they’re doing it deliberately; perhaps they are also unaware that you’re emotionally dependent on them.
I’d suggest it’s better for us to learn to control our own emotions. Nobody knows ourselves better than us. We’ll be able to find solutions for ourselves every time there is a situation.
2. Feel Confident About Yourself
Once we stop self-pity ourselves, we understand that we can do so many things without anyone’s help. Being confident about ourselves is necessary for all aspects of life, but when it comes to being optimistic about your emotions, we feel much better. The sense of helplessness will go away. All those frustrating inner volcanoes will gradually stay under control.
When you know what you’re doing, you’ll automatically take actions accordingly. God has given us the power of thinking, analyzing and understanding the situations. We, humans, are capable of evolving and progressing. That’s what we have to implement in our lives, and soon we’ll get the results.
3. Make Yourself Stronger
People always tell us to become stronger or be brave etc. But when we’re going through some troubled areas of our lives, it becomes near to impossible to hold on to those emotions without expressing it. I know how I’ve gone through some tough times in my life. I’ve seen the worst of my life because of my choices.
Not only that, I’ve become too dependent that I felt like a slave. I used to knock one door to the other to make myself feel better. But the day I stop doing all those things I was doing good.
It all made me stronger. Right now, I’m in such a phase where I can fight any battle and win. My inner strength has doubled because I’ve learned to control my emotions.
“Nobody can defeat you, if you are in-charge of your emotions.”